Ayez toujours, toujours volonté
by Freak-With-A-Mission
Summary: Brian and Michael pairing. I suck at summaries. Reviews Are Worshipped!
1. How Soon Is Now?

**(Song is "How Soon is Now?" by The Smiths)**

_I am the son_

_and the heir_

_of a silence that is criminally vulgar_

_I am the son and heir_

_of nothing in particular_

Laying back watching the smoke rise to the ceiling, maudlin and extremely high, he laughed at the fact that he could still think straight.

Yet, the one thing he was thinking about, was the one thing he was trying to drown out.

It was Michael Novotny, "Mikey", but mostly Brian liked to call Michael "Mine", not aloud, because no one could know that about him.

No one could know he'd been spending an ever-increasing amount of time obsessing over Michael.

Or that on many random occasions he'd indulge in thoughts of Michael, his magnificent brown eyes, mercurial smile, and of course that perfect figure that cried for a sculptor to immortalize it.

_You shut your mouth_

_how can you say_

_I go about things the wrong way_

_I am human and I need to be loved_

_Just like everybody else does_

Everyone said he was incapable of human feelings, especially love. They said he didn't need anyone or anything, and that he didn't care about anyone but himself.

How could they ever say that, he thought, when I've needed and cared about Michael almost my entire life.

_There's a club if you'd like to go_

_you could meet somebody who really loves you_

_so you go, and you stand on your own_

_and you leave on your own_

_and you go home, and you cry_

_and you want to die_

Maybe it was his "fuck-not-love" attitude that brought about these conclusions from people, but Babylon was an escape for him, another way to forget his life and his 'feelings'.

How could Michael mean so much to him, if he didn't feel a thing at all.

He had always walked around with a weight on his shoulders, and it seemed so much lighter whenever Michael was around.

_When you say it's gonna happen "now"_

_well, when exactly do you mean?_

_see, I've already waited too long_

_and all my hope is gone_

He desperately wanted to let Michael know how he felt about him, but how do you go about telling your best friend that you just suddenly fell in love with him?

Did he even dare to hope that Michael would still return these feelings.

Well it was going to happen now. He picked up the phone and dialed. It rang twice before the familiar voice came through on the other end.

"Hello."

"Brian?"

"Mikey! Come over, please"

Did I just say 'please'? he wondered.

"Can't at the moment, soon maybe."

"How soon is say...now?"

"Brian..." Michael whined, "..fine,give me about 15 minutes, I'll be there."

They both hung up their phones.

Brian smiled, his Michael would always come to him.

He had a wicked voice in his head telling him that there was something about to happen. Brian began to panic and became frightened.

"What if this all goes wrong?" he mumbled "Fuck."

What if Michael came and he had nothing to say. And then he'd stare at him with that look in his eyes, and ask what he was doing and what he had decided.

TBC...


	2. Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What ...

**(Song is "Please,please,please, let me get what I want" by The Smiths)**

_Good times for a change_

_see, the luck I've had_

_can make a good man_

_turn bad_

Michael put aside all the paperwork he _still_ had not finished.

"God dammit..."He muttered "Why am I leaving? Fuckin' Brian. Must I always run to him?"

Running had never done anything for him. In the past his luck with Brian, among other men, had been dreadful.

_So please please please_

_let me, let me, let me_

_let me, get what I want_

_this time_

Maybe today there'd be a change in his luck.

Afterall, maybe last night's dream _had_ meant something.

He had dreamt that Brian was with him, that Brian loved him. He had felt Brian's arms around him.

When he woke up it wasn't real, there was no harm, and there was no hope left in Michael.

Michael had never been one to try and see more into a dream than there was, until now. He was thinking that maybe Brian had figured it out-that Michael was **it** for him.

_Haven't had a dream in a long time_

_see, the life I've had_

_can make a good man bad_

He'd spent practically his whole life with Brian, pining over him. Maybe now when he went to Brian's the dream would become real.

_So for once in my life_

_let me get what I want_

_Lord knows it would be the first time_

_Lord knows it would be the first time_

Although he wanted the one he couldn't have, something told him to keep what little hope he had left.

Maybe for once in his life he'd get what he wanted.

Flipping the sign to "Closed" Michael locked up the comic shop with a smile on his face.

TBC...


	3. Three Libras

~~Song is "Three Libras" by A Perfect Circle~~  
  
*threw you the obvious and you flew   
  
with it on your back, a name in your recollection,   
  
thrown down among a million same.  
  
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed   
  
and passed over   
  
when i've looked right through   
  
to see you naked and oblivious   
  
and you don't see me.*  
  
Michael knocked on the door of the loft. There was no answer. He tried the door and it was unlocked.  
  
He walked in a little and called Brian's name. Turning he saw Brian.  
  
*but i threw you the obvious   
  
just to see if there's more behind the eyes   
  
of a fallen angel,   
  
the eyes of a tragedy.*  
  
This, was THIS why Brian had wanted him here? To see him fucking some guy.  
  
Brian looked up from the person he was with and smiled at Michael.  
  
Bastard, Michael said to himself, fucking BASTARD  
  
*here i am expecting just a little bit   
  
too much from the wounded.  
  
but i see through it all   
  
and see you.*  
  
Michael looked at Brian with hurt and more importantly disgust etched into his beautiful face.  
  
Tears that he had tried to contain overflowed, and feeling embarrassed he turned away.  
  
You expected too much-he didn't bring you here for this-just think about it. Michael wanted to scream at his head to just shut up.  
  
*so i threw you the obvious   
  
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,   
  
eyes of a tragedy.   
  
oh well. apparently nothing.  
  
you don't see me.   
  
you don't see me at all.*  
  
Michael left the loft quietly.   
  
Maybe he should have thrown the obvious a bit harder.  
  
As the door to the loft slammed shut Brian pushed the other man off of him   
  
"Leave now" he yelled and the man could do nothing but just that.   
  
Brian didn't know if he had done the right thing by pushing Michael away yet again, but he was scared he knew he couldn't tell him he loved him, what else could he have done?  
  
TBC................... 


	4. Mojo Pin

~~Song is "Mojo Pin" by Jeff Buckley~~  
  
*Well i'm lying in my bed   
  
The blanket is warm   
  
This body will never be safe from harm   
  
Still feel your hair, black ribbons of coal   
  
Touch my skin to keep me whole*  
  
Brian was in bed, even though he should've been at Babylon by this time. He kept thinking about Michael.  
  
He didn't want to have to face him, or anyone else for that matter.  
  
*If only you'd come back to me   
  
If you laid at my side   
  
I wouldn't need no Mojo Pin to keep me satisfied*  
  
He wished there was a way for Michael to be with him right now, and for all that had happened would be forgotten.  
  
Because whenever something bad, like this, happened to him his first instinct was to go to Michael, and now he couldn't.  
  
*Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know   
  
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow   
  
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow   
  
Black beauty I love you so*  
  
Trying to turn his sorrow into rage Brian got up and threw a glass against the wall.  
  
He stood there for a moment watching the shattered pieces glittering under the lamplight.  
  
*Precious, precious silver and gold and pearls in oyster's flesh   
  
Drop down we two to serve and pray to love   
  
Born again from the rhythm screaming down from heaven   
  
Ageless, ageless   
  
I'm there in your arms*  
  
Fuck it, he thought, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.  
  
He grabbed some clothes and got dressed.  
  
*Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know   
  
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow   
  
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow   
  
Black beauty I love you so*  
  
Twenty minutes later Brian was walking into a very crowded Babylon.   
  
Spotting Ted and Emmet together at the bar, Brian reluctantly went over to them.  
  
"Where's Mikey," he asked trying to sound non-chalant  
  
"He said he wasn't going out tonight-wasn't feeling well or something like that" Emmet answered  
  
"Fuck, just when ya think it's okay to tell a guy you love him he disappears."  
  
Ted walked behind Brian and lifted his shirt, he began examining his back.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?" Brian asked getting very annoyed  
  
"Trying to find the micro-chip box. I'll turn off the "Feelings" button for you. Are you going to sue whoever turned it on?" He quipped sarcastically.  
  
"Fuck off Teddy, I'll see you two ladies later"  
  
With that he rushed out of Babylon, gaining strange looks from both Ted and Emmet.  
  
*The welts of your scorn, my love, give me more   
  
Send whips of opinion down my back, give me more   
  
Well it's you I've waited my life to see   
  
It's you I've searched so hard for... *  
  
He drove to Michael's apartment.  
  
Opening the door with his key, he silently entered.  
  
Scanning his eyes around the apartment not seeing Michael, he wondered if he was even there.  
  
Looking into the bedroom he saw a figure asleep on the bed.  
  
*Don't wanna weep for you, I don't wanna know   
  
I'm blind and tortured, the white horses flow   
  
The memories fire, the rhythms fall slow   
  
Black beauty I love you so   
  
So, black black black black beauty... *  
  
Relieved that he wouldn't have to talk to Michael, he slowly removed his shoes, socks, and pants.   
  
Climbing into bed next to Michael, Brian did his best not to wake him up.   
  
Feeling the new presence Michael moved closer to Brian.  
  
Brian held him close and tried to fall asleep.  
  
TBC.......................... 


	5. Even When I'm Sleeping

~~Song is "Even When I'm Sleeping" by Leonardo's Bride~~  
  
*Don't be confused by my apparent lack of ceremony,  
  
My mind is clear.  
  
I may be low or miles high off in the distance,  
  
I want you near.*  
  
Michael stirred in his sleep, he tried to get up, but something was holding him down.  
  
He turned while still in Brian's arms.  
  
"God, I hate him," he said sleepily. "Doesn't he know that I'm pissed off?"  
  
*I love you,   
  
even when I'm sleeping.  
  
When I close my eyes,   
  
you're everywhere.*  
  
Michael found it amazing how perfect Brian's face was, and he couldn't help but stare.  
  
He had tried so hard to stay mad at him. Not going to Babylon was one of those ways he wouldn't have to see Brian and forget what he had done in a matter of seconds.  
  
He couldn't keep thoughts of Brian away, even in his sleep they came to him.  
  
*And if they take me flying on the magic carpet,   
  
see me wave.  
  
If our communication fails I'll re-connect it,   
  
I want to rave.*  
  
Suddenly his eyes opened. He looked at Michael with the biggest smile on his face.  
  
"May I ask how long you've been staring at me?" he inquired.  
  
Michael looked away shyly, but Brian's hand turned it back to him.  
  
"I didn't say it bothered me." he whispered before bringing Michael down for a kiss.  
  
He sighed, there was something haunting and strange about Michael's kiss.  
  
*I love you,   
  
even when I'm sleeping  
  
When I close my eyes,   
  
you're everywhere*  
  
"What are you doing here, Brian?"  
  
"Well, first I wanted to say I'm sorry, about the other.......what happened was........shit, you know what I'm talking about and I'm sorry."  
  
"Is that all?" Michael rudely asked  
  
"No, there is something else and this is kind of hard-actually, no make that extremely hard for me to say....."He paused and began to look panicked.  
  
Michael ran a soothing hand through his hair   
  
'Go on' he whispered.   
  
"I love you, Mikey"  
  
"You came here for that!"  
  
Brian laughed, " I don't think you're getting the point here Mikey-I'm IN love with you"  
  
Michael immediately removed his hand from Brian's hair and moved away.  
  
*No matter where the road is leading us remember,  
  
don't be afraid.  
  
We have a continent that sometimes comes between us,   
  
but that's ok.*  
  
"Michael, you don't have to do that!'' he shouted, perturbed with his reaction  
  
"Brian, you come over here and tell me that.......that you're in love with me and I'm supposed to what, fall into your arms?" he retorted  
  
"That would make this much easier for the both of us" Brian answered with a crooked smile. "I really do love you, I've always loved you, only you"  
  
"What about Justin?" he asked dejectedly.  
  
"I loved Justin, but not like I love you, you're different.......you......I don't know I think you....."  
  
Michael cut him off- "With all respect to "Jerry Maguire" please, don't end that with "You complete me." Michael joked, trying to make the situation less serious.  
  
"I didn't plan on ending it like that."  
  
*I love you,   
  
even when I'm sleeping.  
  
When I close my eyes,   
  
you're everywhere.  
  
When I close my eyes,   
  
you're everywhere.*  
  
Brian moved closer to Michael and leaned in to kiss him. Michael flinched.  
  
"Don't be afraid, Mikey"  
  
Leaning in further they kissed languidly, both not wanting to go anywhere.  
  
TBC.................. 


	6. Last Goodybye

~~Song is "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley~~  
  
*This is our last goodbye   
  
I hate to feel the love between us die   
  
But it's over   
  
Just hear this and then I'll go   
  
You gave me more to live for   
  
More than you'll ever know*  
  
Michael stopped kissing Brian.  
  
"Wait.......what the hell are we doing?" He gasped still trying to get some air.  
  
"Do I have to answer that?"   
  
"Brian, are you even sure?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"You know damn well what!"  
  
"Michael, I've always wanted you to be......happy, I guess, and now I'm pretty fucking sure I can make you happy, so yes I'm REALLY sure. Sure in myself, in you, and in us"  
  
"You know what you are Brian."  
  
"A lost cause, a hopeless situation..........." He jested.  
  
"You're utterly romantic" Michael stated seriously-with a hint of a smile creeping onto his face ,"And I'm absolutely savoring those words, but do you think we should do this? I mean me and you."  
  
Brian was taken aback.  
  
"What-are you saying you don't want to be with me?"  
  
*This is our last embrace   
  
Must I dream and always see your face   
  
Why can't we overcome this wall   
  
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all*  
  
Michael looked guilty.  
  
"Maybe that is what I'm saying."  
  
"Don't you love me, Mikey?" Brian sounded lost.  
  
"You have no idea much I love you....."  
  
"Then tell me, show me, something..."  
  
"What about Ben?"  
  
"What about fucking BEN?" Brian calmed himself and sighed "I'm going to leave now, try to forget this ever happened"  
  
*Kiss me, please kiss me   
  
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation   
  
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time   
  
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye*  
  
Brian dressed and then he kissed Michael, thinking sadly this would be the last time he got to kiss him like that.  
  
With a look that said goodbye in so many words, Brian turned and left the room, seconds later Michael heard the front door slam shut.  
  
*Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,  
  
And did you rush to the phone to call   
  
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind   
  
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all *  
  
Michael covered his face with the blanket. He wanted to be strong. He had almost given in to Brian, but he knew he couldn't not with him and Ben still together, and not with Justin still in love with Brian.  
  
Ben entered the apartment after a late class and called Michael's name.  
  
*Well, the bells out in the church tower chime   
  
Burning clues into this heart of mine   
  
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories   
  
Offer signs that it's over... it's over *  
  
Michael came out of the room, looking disheveled.  
  
"What's wrong? You don't look so good? Is is, uh, is it Brian?" he asked tentatively.  
  
"God, yes." Michael answered a little angry.  
  
"Wanna talk about?"  
  
"He told me he loved me and...."  
  
Before he could finish Ben cut in "And you're leaving me. I kind of saw this coming"  
  
"What! I'm not leaving..........I thought about it" Michael ended the sentence in a whisper.  
  
"Well then why are you here? You'll hurt me more if you stay with me, I know you'll be happier being with him. So go. Fuck, I'll take you to him if you want."  
  
Michael was shocked. "Y-You'd do that, for me?"  
  
"Of course, Brian's not the only one who loves you, if this will make you happier then I'll let you be happy"  
  
Michael ran to the wonderful man in front of him and hugged him. "I do love you, Ben"  
  
"But not like you love him-I know, so is it off to Babylon to find him?"  
  
"I think so, are you sure you want to come?"  
  
"I need to find a new guy too, you're replaceable"  
  
Michael laughed, he loved how Ben immediately made the change to just friends with one sentence.  
  
He got dressed quickly and they were out the door.  
  
TBC.................... 


	7. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

~~Song is: "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" by Sarah McLachlan  
  
*All the fear has left me now  
  
I'm not frightened anymore.  
  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.  
  
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath*  
  
Michael pushed his way into Babylon, and there he was, his usual predatory self.   
  
Michael walked right up to him. Brian tried to hide his surprised look.  
  
"I think it's my turn to ask the question to ask 'what are you doing here' tonight,Michael"  
  
"Me and Ben aren't together anymore."  
  
Brian finally turned to Michael eyebrow raised in question.  
  
"I told him what happened"  
  
"And so what he automatically dumps you, want me to kick his ass, then again no maybe I'll just yell at him a lot or scare him, he dould definitely kick my ass"  
  
"All I said was that you told me you loved me and he thought I was breaking up with him"  
  
Brian tried not to laugh "That's a little sudden"  
  
"No actually it's not, he knew I'd always be thinking 'what if' and he didn't want that"  
  
"What I said before, you know it's still true right-still an open offer"  
  
Michael kissed Brian withuot saying anything, they were both in a trance.  
  
*and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.  
  
I won't fear love  
  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.  
  
I won't fear love.*  
  
Brian was on a high. Both from the drugs and from the effect Michael had on him.  
  
"Can we get outta here?" he whispered hungrily into Michael's ear.  
  
Michael didn't answer just led Brian to the exit.  
  
*Companion to our demons  
  
they will dance and we will play.  
  
With chairs candles and clothes  
  
making darkness in the day.  
  
It will be easy to look in or out  
  
upstream or down  
  
without a thought*  
  
During the short car ride to Brian's loft, Michael decided to break the silence.  
  
"You know when you showed up at my apartment like that, I didn't believe anything you said-even though I wanted to."  
  
"That's just me 'the boy with the thorn in his side.' "  
  
Michael looked into his eyes.  
  
"And if I don't believe you know, will I ever believe you?"  
  
"You still remember that song."  
  
"Of course I do"  
  
"We're here get out of the car. Now."  
  
*and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.  
  
I won't fear love  
  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.  
  
I won't fear love.  
  
Peace in the struggle to find peace.  
  
Comfort on the way to comfort*  
  
There was an akwardness as they rode the elevator and even as they walked through the door.  
  
Brian turned to Michael and he could not think of anything to say for the life of him.  
  
"Well, here we are what should we do now?"   
  
*and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.  
  
I won't fear love  
  
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it  
  
I won't fear love.  
  
I won't fear love.  
  
I won't fear love...*  
  
Brian had an idea and he began to slowly undress.  
  
"You know Michael you're very silly if you think this will go well with you in clothes."  
  
Michael nervously undressed. Brian dragged him to the bedroom. He started undressing Michael hiimself.  
  
"You're not fast enough,Mikey"  
  
"Wait, Brian, before this happens I want to be sure I have you-your love. And if you're going to leave tonight, please do it right"  
  
"I'm not leaving."  
  
Taking off the last of Michael's clothing Brian kissed him passionately.  
  
TBC........................... 


	8. Lovesong

~~Song is: "Lovesong" By The Cure  
  
*Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
you make me feel  
  
Like I am home again  
  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
you make me feel like I am whole again*  
  
I woke up and there he was asleep, looking like an angel.  
  
He opened his eyes and looked deep into me with those eyes-the eyes that pried into my heart. He smiled.  
  
"You're beautiful when you smile"  
  
"Shhh, Mikey quiet.I need to take this in. Waking up with you in my bed, loving you so much, knowing you love me back, it's like a dream,only I've never had this dream before.......That was the best, ever."  
  
Michael blushed a deep red. "I'm sure I wasn't that good."  
  
"Making love to you could never be second best"  
  
*Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
you make me feel  
  
Like I am young again  
  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
you make me feel like I am fun again*  
  
"I used to wonder what it would be like to have you, someone I never thought I'd have."  
  
"Did you, really?"  
  
"Almost all the time, Brian"  
  
"Well, you have me now. And you'll have me as long as you want"  
  
"That'll be for quite a while"  
  
"Good" Brian said and placed a small kiss on Michael's forehead.  
  
*However far away,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
However long I stay,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
Whatever words I say,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
I will always love you*  
  
"Don't you think we should get out of bed already?"  
  
"What for?" Brian asked lazily.  
  
"We need to eat for one, and then there's work"  
  
"Mikey, do you really want to get up?"  
  
"Not at all, but we have to" He stated pulling himself away from Brian.  
  
Brian sat up and looked at Michael who was busy getting dressed. He's beautiful, he thought silently.  
  
*Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
You make me feel like I am free again,  
  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
  
You make me feel like I am clean again*  
  
Michael and Brian sat next to eachother in the diner whispering and laughing.  
  
"Hey, guys. What the fuck is going on here?"  
  
Ted asked as him and Emmett walked over.  
  
"Oh, we're doing fine, how are you guys today?" Michael said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.  
  
"Very funny Michael, now would one of you care to tell little ol' Emmett what's going on, something's different?"  
  
"Not really, actually not at all."  
  
Brian laughed as he leaned in and whispered 'I love you' into Michael's ear and placed a kiss on his cheek. Michael only grinned.  
  
"Is that what happened?" Emmett mused.  
  
"Is what, what happened?" Brian asked quite confused.  
  
"You and him." Ted answered pointing to each of them "You fucked"  
  
Michael's eyes went wide in shock.  
  
"I would've said it a bit nicer than that, Teddie"  
  
"Who fucked who?" Debbie asked walking over to the table.  
  
"Ask them" Emmett replied gesturing to Michael and Brian.  
  
"You didn't!" Michael looked away "You DID!, Oh, god Michael"  
  
Michael looked over to Brian "I think we'd better get going"  
  
"Good idea"  
  
"Wait, you're not going anywhere until you explain some things to me, Michael"  
  
"We'll talk later, ma"  
  
They quickly left the diner.  
  
*However far away,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
However long I stay,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
Whatever words I say,  
  
I will always love you,  
  
I will always love you*  
  
As they walked Brian began to speak.  
  
"She didn't seem very happy, Mikey"  
  
'That was obvious, she doesn't approve of this, but I knew she wouldn't,she doesn't think you're good enough for me"  
  
"I'm not"  
  
"I think I get to be the judge of that."  
  
They stopped in front of the comic shop,"I gotta open up now, and I'm sure you have to go to work too."  
  
"Yeah, I do, I'll see you soon" Brian ended the sentence with a kiss.  
  
"You're incredible, Michael."  
  
Michael blushed, "Goodbye, Brian"  
  
"Bye,Mikey"  
  
With that Brian walked away.  
  
TBC........... 


	9. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

~~Song is: "The Boy With The Thorn In His Side" by The Smiths  
  
*The boy with the thorn in his side  
  
Behind the hatred there lies  
  
A murderous desire for love*  
  
It had already been a month and Michael and Brian were still together. And besides the little fights everything was perfect between them.  
  
Debbie was escorted into Brian's office.  
  
"Hello, Debbie. Always good to see you" Brian said with a sickly sweet smile.  
  
"I didn't come here for bullshit, Brian. I came here to talk about Michael."  
  
The smile came off his face. "Mikey's a big boy he can take care of himself and he's got me if he needs help"  
  
"Brian....you'd better listen to me. You and Michael have been together for what-a month now? And it all seems okay, but how long until...."  
  
"How long until what?"  
  
"How long until you hurt him? It's bound to happen, you know that right?"  
  
*How can they look into my eyes  
  
And still they don't believe me ?  
  
How can they hear me say those words  
  
Still they don't believe me ?  
  
And if they don't believe me now  
  
Will they ever believe me ?  
  
And if they don't believe me now  
  
Will they ever, they ever, believe me ?*  
  
"I love him, Debbie" Brian said sincerely  
  
"I know, you've shown that enough, but Brian are you absolutely sure you won't hurt him? 'Cause if there's even a slight chance of his heart getting broken than you'd better fuckin' stop this"  
  
*The boy with the thorn in his side  
  
Behind the hatred there lies  
  
A plundering desire for love*  
  
"I'd like you to go now, Debbie"  
  
"I will, just think about it"  
  
"Thank you" Brian said angrily.  
  
When she left Brian threw a book at the door.  
  
*How can they see the Love in our eyes  
  
And still they don't believe us ?  
  
And after all this time  
  
They don't want to believe us  
  
And if they don't believe us now  
  
Will they ever believe us ?  
  
And when you want to Live  
  
How do you start ?  
  
Where do you go ?  
  
Who do you need to know ?*  
  
Goddamn her, he thought, does she always have to fuck everything up? But she was right, I don't want to hurt Michael.  
  
Brian sat there pondering what to do. He had to end this thing with Michael, but Brian didn't know how to let him go. He'd just have to figure out a way.  
  
TBC............... 


	10. Hold On

~~Song is "Hold On" by Sarah McLachlan  
  
*Hold on  
  
Hold on to yourself  
  
for this is gonna hurt like hell.*  
  
As soon as Brian entered Michael's apartment he was greeted with kisses from Michael. God, he'd miss this.  
  
"Michael, can we please talk."  
  
"Yeah sure." Michael answered happily "What's the problem?"  
  
Brian sat next to Michael on the couch.  
  
"Michael, I really....fuck I really didn't think this would be so hard."   
  
"Just tell me what's going on"  
  
"I can't do this, I can't sit here and tell you I don't want to be with you, when that's all I want" Brian choked out.  
  
"Is that it Brian, you were going to tell me we should end this?"  
  
"Yes, I know you don't understand, shit I hardly understand myself."  
  
"Then why?" Michael asked  
  
*Hold on  
  
Hold on to yourself.  
  
You know that only time can tell*  
  
what is it in me that refuses to believe  
  
this isn't easier than the real thing.*  
  
"Because, I want it to end with us having been happy. I don't want it to end with me hurting you"  
  
"You won't Brian. You said you wouldn't"  
  
"I know Mikey, I know, please believe me when I say this is the most terrible thing I've ever had to do in my life"  
  
"Brian, please don't do this."  
  
"I have nothing to give you Michael, except maybe some pain later on"  
  
*My love  
  
you know that you're my best friend.  
  
You know that I'd do anything for you  
  
and my love  
  
let nothing come between us  
  
my love for you is strong and true.*  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
Brian moved closer and took Michael's face in his hands.  
  
"I will never love anyone like I love you. You know that. I know that, and I will die knowing that."  
  
He kissed Michael. It was a bittersweet kiss filled with love and goodbye.  
  
*Am I in heaven here or  
  
am I...  
  
At the crossroads I am standing.*  
  
Ending the kiss Brian stood up. He looked away from Michael who was crying. He couldn't bear to see him cry.  
  
"I will always be waiting for you, you know that right." Brian nodded "I love you, Brian"  
  
*So now you're sleeping peaceful  
  
I lie awake and pray  
  
that you'll be strong tomorrow  
  
and will see another day  
  
and we will praise it  
  
and love the light that brings a smile  
  
across your face.*  
  
Brian walked out the door leaving Michael alone.   
  
Michael lay back and tried to forget him as soon as possible. The tears flowed as Michael thought of Brian. How he always loved to wake up before him so he could see him so peaceful, gleaming in the sunlight.  
  
*Oh god  
  
if you're out there won't you hear me.  
  
I know we're never talked before*  
  
Maybe it was a joke, a sick, cruel, horrible joke.   
  
Michael laughed at the patheticness of that notion.  
  
*and oh god  
  
the man I love is leaving  
  
won't you take him when he comes to your door.*  
  
He would just have to accept the fact that Brian was gone. And try not to cry every time he thought back to when.  
  
*So now you're sleeping peaceful  
  
I lie awake and pray  
  
that you'll be strong tomorrow  
  
and we will see another day  
  
and we will praise it  
  
and love the light that brings a smile  
  
across your face*  
  
Brian was doing just as bad. He couldn't stop the tears, and he couldn't stop whispering 'I love you' to someone who wasn't there.   
  
He'd have to be strong and get through this  
  
*Hold on  
  
hold on to yourself  
  
for this is gonna hurt like hell.*  
  
Maybe if he could actually sleep things would be better.  
  
TBC.............. 


	11. Never Let Me Down Again

~~Song is: "Never Let Me Down Again" by Depeche Mode  
  
*I'm taking a ride with my best friend  
  
I hope he never lets me down again  
  
He knows where he's taking me  
  
Taking me where I want to be  
  
I'm taking a ride with my best friend*  
  
The days had turned into weeks and the weeks into a month and finally it had been two months since Michael and Brian split and they had not spoken one word to eachother.  
  
Michael was laying in bed, it was quite late, but he could not sleep. He had seen Brian come into Babylon and it had nearly killed him to think of the number of nameless tricks he could've picked up this very night.  
  
He was startled by the loud knocking at his door.  
  
*We're flying high  
  
We're watching the world pass us by  
  
Never want to come down  
  
Never want to put my feet back down  
  
On the ground*  
  
He got up and opened the door. Brian had been standing there, but he immediately dropped to his knees in front of Michael and wrapped his arms around him, he cried into Michael's bare abdomen.  
  
"Fix me, Mikey" he sobbed  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Fix me NOW, I want you to fix me, please"  
  
"What is wrong? Tell me what's wrong and I'll help" Michael pleaded.  
  
"I never wanted to hurt you." Michael looked Brian in the eyes "Did you cry" Michael nodded silently.  
  
"God,Mikey help me."  
  
"Get up, Brian, come inside"  
  
As soon as Brian was comfortably sitting on the couch Michael talked to him again  
  
"I don't know what you want me to do, tell me and I'll do it"  
  
"I need you to wipe away the tears, and then maybe you can just kiss me, please kiss me."  
  
Michael rose from his seat, he crouched down in front of Brian he dried the tears.   
  
Brian grabbed him and kissed him. Not letting go.  
  
"Brian, stop, calm down, I'm not going anywhere"  
  
Brian pressed his forehead to Michael's  
  
"Will you love me again?"  
  
*I'm taking a ride with my best friend  
  
I hope he never lets me down again  
  
Promises me I'm safe as houses  
  
As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers  
  
I hope he never lets me down again*  
  
"I never stopped"   
  
Brian looked near tears again.  
  
"I was empty Michael, when I left you."  
  
"Don't worry, nothing has changed, I still love you."  
  
Brian looked up and smiled.  
  
"I love you, Mikey. More than you'll ever know"  
  
Michael kissed him.  
  
*See the stars, they're shining bright  
  
Everything's alright tonight*  
  
Brian brought Michael onto the couch and they lay there saying nothing.  
  
"This is perfect" Michael sighed breaking the silence.  
  
"I know it is. I just want you to know I'll never leave again."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"I promise"  
  
THE END  
  
Okay, I'm done. I hope you liked it. If you didn't I'm dreadfuly sorry.Please review if you liked it enough to read the whole thing.And even if you didn't I'd love to know your opinions 


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